a memory that I cannot remember

I remember it all as if it were a movie. Fragments of a movie.

“Lights. Camera. Action.”

Scene one: At my best friend’s house getting ready for her birthday. It’s a cold night, the ground is covered with a blanket of snow, but we don’t care, were going downtown and were gonna look damn good. We leave our coats at home, and only remember the necessities: high heels, cell phone, and lip gloss, of course.


Scene two: Get onto the party bus and start heading downtown. A bottle of wine, some jagerbombs, and a little Rockstar vodka. I couldn’t forget to chug a half a water bottle of straight vodka though. No, can’t forget that.


Scene three: My vision starts to blur. Everyone is spinning. Everyone is having a good time.


Scene four: Things are getting really blurry now. I’m stumbling my way around the bus.


Scene five: I can hardly stand up now. What is going on? What have I done?


Scene six through twelve: I wish I could tell you this part. But I don’t quite know what happens. I don’t have a clue. I will never know.


Scene thirteen: Staring down at my hands. My hands covered in blood. Staring in confusion. Where is this blood coming from? My head?... What happened? Why is she asking me for my mom’s phone number? I’m getting really scared now.


Scene fourteen: At the hospital now. Moms finally here. She’ll make sure I’m okay. Were waiting in a white room. I’m nervous. What is going to happen?


Scene fifteen: Fifteen. The number of surgical staples that are used to repair the gaping hole that stretches across the crown of my head. My feet are wrapped, and I’m told I won’t be able to walk on them for two weeks. I have frostbite on both feet and knees.


Scene sixteen: My knees are bruised. So are my arms. So is my face. Everything is sore, and aching. My head is healing. The frostbite is worse. I would have to see a plastic surgeon in a couple days. To see if I would need skin grafts. I hope I get better soon. Why did I have to drink so much?


Scene seventeen: Seventeen. The number of years that I have been alive. The number of years I have been alive, and well. I’m getting better now. Thank God for that. Thank God I still have more years to live.




They say we fear the unknown. But I believe that the truth to what happened scenes six through twelve would be scarier than not knowing at all. January 28th, 2009, my life changed. My life was risked; all in a couple hours of just trying to “have fun.” Fun which ultimately led to the creation of a memory that I cannot remember.